Attractions and relationshipsContraceptionInfections Pregnancy Sex Symptoms Your body - girls and womenYour body - boys and men

What is sexual intercourse?

Sexual intercourse is a part of sex. It's when the boy's or man's penis actually goes into the vagina of the girl or woman. The release of sperm from the penis during sexual intercourse can result in the fertilisation of the egg and a pregnancy. It is possible to stop sperm reaching the egg by using contraception. Sexual intercourse can be a very enjoyable and intimate experience whether or not you achieve orgasm.

 

 

 

What can I do if I don't want to have sexual intercourse yet?

There are many ways to give and receive sexual pleasure without having sexual intercourse. Massages, kissing and hugging are ways of sharing your body and showing love and they can be very passionate. Some people think such acts are better than sexual intercourse.

 

 

 

Consider the following checklist before having sex:

• Is this something I really want to do?
  
  

• Is this something I feel pressured into doing?
  
  

• Will people say bad things about me?
  
  

• If I do, am I at risk of sexually transmitted infections?
  
  

• Are we going to use condoms?
  
  

• How will I feel afterwards - will I be hurt or upset?
  
  

• If I do, will anyone else be hurt or upset?

 

 

 

What is the best type of sex?

The best type of sex for you and your partner is sex that keeps you both safe and healthy and makes you feel secure and happy. In addition to sexual intercourse, sex is also about being physically very close to someone, intimacy, about touching them in places they want and like to be touched, and about enjoying the closeness and touch of your bodies. For it to be most enjoyable emotionally it should be with someone you love and like being with. It is also about respect, for yourself and your partner, about trust, and about being happy with your own body and with your partner's body.

 

 

 

 

Why do I get excited about sex?

You can have sexual feelings at any age but these feelings can get stronger around puberty. You might find you just suddenly have sexual feelings without doing anything, or it might be because you are near someone that you are attracted to, or because of something you are watching or listening to.

 

When anyone gets excited, aroused, the flow of blood to their skin increases (they might blush too), and the blood flow to the skin around their genitals is particularly increased. This is why you will feel warmer and also more sensitive to touch. When boys get sexually aroused, they are likely to get an erection. When girls get sexually aroused, their vagina gets more moist, and their clitoris gets bigger ready for it to be touched.

 

 

 

What is foreplay?

You may need to 'warm up' before you can have enjoyable sex and this foreplay can last for a few minutes or much longer. Sex starts with both partners getting sexually excited by kissing, stroking, caressing, rubbing and touching each other. In the girl or women, the vagina begins to get more moist, because it makes more secretions, making it easier for the penis to slide in. If you have problems, you can use some water-based, special lubricant. When the boy or man is excited his penis will get bigger and harder which will help it enter the vagina, this is a good time to put a male condom on.

 

 

 

How do I get to an orgasm?

In heterosexual sex
When you are both ready, it is probably easiest if either partner uses their hand to guide the penis into the vagina. Once the penis is inside, you both need to move your bodies, towards each other and away, so that the penis pushes into the vagina and then pulls partly out again. In a little while, this 'in and out' movement can lead to orgasm, called 'coming' or climaxing, for one or both of you. Most women need to have their clitoris stimulated to reach orgasm. The same stages of arousal occur in a gay couple, either male or female.

For gay men
Orgasm usually includes mutual masturbation or oral sex but can include anal penetration. It can also involve body rubbing and other acts of physical or emotional intimacy, or rougher forms of sexual play.

 

For gay women
Sex often includes mutual masturbation or the use of sex toys. Again, gay women enjoy touching and being touched and being emotionally and physically intimate in ways that please them both.

 

 

 

Will it hurt the first time I have sex?

Many people are worried that it will hurt the first time they have sex. Sometimes it does hurt a bit and some girls and women do bleed a little bit. This is because there is a thin skin just inside her vaginal opening, called the hymen, which can stretch and might tear a little the first time she has sexual intercourse. The hymen has some gaps in it which let period blood through even before you start having sex. The hymen might already have been stretched before you have sex, for example if you have played some sports or been horse riding or have used a tampon.

 

 

What is masturbation and is it harmful?

One way that people can express their sexual feelings is by touching their own bodies. Stimulating the genitals by touch is called masturbation, it is not harmful. Because it is something you usually do on your own you can not get pregnant or catch infections by just masturbating.

 

Many boys like to touch their penis, particularly the end, this will probably make their penis get hard. Many girls like to touch their clitoris. When you masturbate you become more and more sexually excited until you reach a climax, this is called an orgasm. This is an intensely pleasurable experience because all the tension and excitement is suddenly let out of your body. When men reach this point they are likely to ejaculate and release sperm.

 

 

 

How often?

Some people masturbate one or more times a day, others only sometimes and yet others never. Some people masturbate as part of having sex with their partner.

 

 

 

What is oral sex and is it safe?

Oral sex is when you kiss, suck or lick your partner's genitals. You can't get pregnant just by having oral sex but you can catch infections, including HIV. You are more likely to catch infections if either you or your partner have any cuts or sores on or around the mouth or genitals.

 

 

 

How can I make oral sex safer?

To reduce the chances of catching an infection during oral sex it is a good idea if the boy or man uses a male condom.This stops you getting semen in your mouth and him getting any infection from your mouth. If you or your partner have any sores or cuts in the mouth it might be a good idea not to have oral sex until they have healed. Take particular care if you have had cold sores (herpes of the mouth). Some people use a dental dam, a square of latex, which is placed over the area of the genitals that is to be stimulated. This is particularly popular with gay women and samples are available at SHAC. Gay men should consider using condoms before performing oral sex because they are at an increased risk of contracting HIV, which can be transmitted by oral sex.

 

 

 

What is gay sex?

In a relationship between two men, sex can involve the penetration of the anus, oral sex or mutual masturbation. In a relationship between two women, it can involve oral sex, sex toys or mutual masturbation. Like straight men and women, gay men and women can have sexual worries, and if they need help can talk to the nurses, health advisors or a doctor at SHAC.

 

 

 

What is anal sex?

This is a type of sex when the penis or sex toy of one partner enters the anus of the other person. The anus is the 'back passage'. Because of the anatomy of the anus, it is not very big and has a thin lining, anal sex can be painful. During anal sex small tears in the skin can occur which is why you might see some bleeding. If you do decide to have anal sex, you will need to use a lot of water-based lubricant and you will need to exercise care. If you are too rough you can damage your partner.

 

If you are a female you can't get pregnant from anal sex alone unless some sperm finds its way into the vagina too. As is the case with vaginal sex you can catch infections, including HIV/AIDS, during anal sex so you should practise safer sex, including using a stronger-than-usual condom.

 

If you are a male having unprotected anal sex with another male you are at an increased risk of catching hepatitis B, HIV or gonorrhoea, which can also be caught during oral sex with an infected partner.

 

 

 

When does the sperm come out - and why is this important?

Remember that the sticky secretion that comes out of the penis before ejaculation will usually have sperm in it and therefore can cause pregnancy. If you don't want to get pregnant you should use either a male or female condom and/or another type of contraceptive.

 

For more information see the page on male puberty.

 

 

 

What happens when a sperm meets an egg?

To make a baby a sperm from the boy or man has to meet and join with an egg from the girl or woman. This joining, fertilisation, usually happens in the fallopian tubes. These are two tubes that can 'catch' the one egg that is released from the ovary and 'take' it to the womb. The womb prepares for this fertilised egg by making a thick nourishing lining. When it has been fertilised, the egg moves up the fallopian tube and settles in the womb, where it continues to develop for about nine months into a baby.

 

 

 

What if the egg doesn't meet a sperm?

If the egg is not joined by a sperm it will be lost in the period blood, which is the leftover womb lining. This is why having a period usually means you are not pregnant that month. Because of the hormones in the girl's or woman's body the whole monthly, menstrual, cycle then starts again.

 

 

 

I am a victim of a sexual assault, what should I do?

Any young person who has been sexually assaulted should think about contacting the police family unit. They will treat the incident with complete confidentiality and are very sympathetic. They will discuss with the young person how they wish to proceed. If you were to proceed with legal action, you would have to be examined by a police doctor. These tests can be used as evidence in court.

 

If you come to SHAC or Clinic 1A after sexual abuse, we will discuss the incident with you. You can decide to see a doctor with the view to possible examination and tests for infections that you might have caught during the assault. The examination and test results taken at Clinic 1A can not be used in legal proceedings.

 

We can also arrange pregnancy testing and/or emergency contraception, testing for HIV, testing for hepatitis and hepatitis B.

 

 

 

See the list of useful organisations and helplines including:

 

> CENTRE 33, Cambridge
Confidential counselling and information service for people, aged 16–25, pregnancy testing is available.
Tel: 01223 316 488

> Rapecrisis
For girls and women. Includes a section about what happens at the police station.

> Sapphire
Advice for victims of sexual assault - what happens in a police station and court, safety advice, drug rape warnings etc.

> Survivors UK
Supports and provides resources for boys and men who have experienced any form of sexual violence.
7-10pm, Tuesdays and Thursday.
Tel: 0845 122 1201

 

 

 

Back to top