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“The death of a baby is like a stone cast into the stillness of a quiet pool: the ripples of despair sweep out in all directions, affecting many, many people." DeFraun 1991

 

The death of a baby is a devastating experience. The effects of grief can be overwhelming and those involved can be left feeling dazed, disorientated and isolated. The staff on the unit are there to support you through this difficult time, offering you the chance to make choices about what happens to you and your baby in the early hours after death. The following choices are suggestions of things you can do, which other parents in this situation have found helpful. However, every parent is different, the choices you make for your baby are very personal; there is no right or wrong and no-one will try to tell you what is right for you. You may find that you and your partner have different ideas about how to cope in the hours after death. Take time in making decisions, so that you can remember and cherish the hours that you spent with your baby following his/her death.

 

• Seeing and holding your baby - you can spend as much or as little time with your baby as you so wish, invite friends and family so that they can come to terms with their loss as well. You can take your baby into your room, lay together and spend time together before you feel ready for your baby to go to the chapel of rest.
  
  
• Bathing and dressing your baby - you can choose whether you wish to bath and dress your baby following death. Feel free to have a special outfit and leave mementos with your baby such as a special teddy, blanket, rosary beads or photographs that you know he/she will keep forever.
  
  
• Naming ceremony and/or blessing - you can choose to have a naming ceremony and/or blessing prior to your child's death if you so wish. The chaplaincy service offer a 24 hour service and will come to you and your child to offer guidance, support and a service according to your religious beliefs.
  
  
• Memories and keepsakes - you should feel free to take as many photos of your baby as you wish both before and after death. We offer professional photographs of your baby, clay imprints as well as ink imprints for you to keep. Where possible a lock of hair can be taken.

 

Important practical issues

 

Following the death of your baby you will have numerous questions regarding registering the birth/death, funeral arrangements, maternity rights and what will happen to your baby now. Here is some basic information about what happens following the death of your baby.

• Post mortem - you may be offered a post mortem by the hospital which may or may not help you accept the reasons why your baby has died. Unless the death of your baby has been referred to the Coronor, a post-mortem is not a legal requirement and cannot be undertaken without your consent.
  
  
• Registration - registering your baby's name is a legal requirement if your baby was born after 24 weeks gestation. Often you will have to register the baby's birth and death at the same time when events happen quickly. Find out where to register your baby from the nurse caring for your baby at the time of death.
  
  
• Maternity and paternity rights - if your baby was stillborn after 24 weeks of pregnancy or died soon after birth you are both entitled to full maternity/paternity rights.
  
  
• Postnatal check - most mums are so overwhelmed by the grief following the death of their baby that they forget about themselves. You must remember that your body has just given birth and must get your usual postnatal checks carried out by your midwife.

 

Moving forward

 

We hope that you can cherish the memories you have of your baby, no matter how short a time you spent with him/her. Often talking to someone helps parents cope with grief. Parents are offered unlimited one-to-one sessions with the Psychological Support Counsellor on the NICU. Parents can also access support by email or telephone.

 

 

A monthly bereavement group is run for parents in a joint initiative with East Anglia Children's Hospice where parents share their thoughts and feelings in an informal setting with like-minded parents and are helped by two skilful facilitators.

 

In September we hold our annual 'A Time for Sharing and Remembering' service, parents are welcome to come and remember their child for as many years as they wish.

 

 

 

 

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